Big Whizzy Government
Welcome to the first assembly of Big Whizzy Government! Pull up a chair and cuddle up with a lobbyist.
Things are dire indeed across the land. The terrorists are threatening our freedom (to print cartoons). We are stretching our servicemen and women in order to cover wars in two countries and possibly maybe three (third time's a charm, they say). Our poor, confused elderly are increasingly confused and made poorer by our attempts to help them with Medicare Part D (the D is for Disaster).
Be afraid, but know that our Fearless Leader is fearlessly defending us, all the while confirming that we should be afraid because He knows things. Things that He found out by listening to private messages and conversations. Don't be afraid that they were your private conversations and messages, because they weren't, as far as you know. But what He has heard would frighten you, if He were allowed to tell you what He's heard, which He can't, because then those who would frighten us would know that He knows what they know. And then they would cease talking about the frightening things that He is listening to that He can't tell us about. At which point things would get very frightening.
But now is not the time to talk about these inconsequential matters. Now is the time to talk about matters of consequence. Such as the way the government will be spending your hard-earned* tax dollars. We are happy to report that the government is taking in fewer of your* tax dollars than ever, now that we have slashed taxes on the top 2% of taxpayers! Also, while the government is spending fewer of your tax dollars, it is also spending more of your non-tax dollars! This way, the government is getting a bigger bang for your non-buck! And rest assured, the increase in jobs* is related to the tax cuts and not the deficit spending!! Nor is it in any way related to a misunderstanding of the data!
More good news, citizens. Fearless Leader has published His budget and while we will see an increase in defense spending, many non-essential expenditures will be cut back or simply eliminated. So if you were concerned that the government would waste money on Education, Transportation, or Justice...well, you can quit worrying!
Good night and good luck!
*those of you lucky enough to have jobs
Things are dire indeed across the land. The terrorists are threatening our freedom (to print cartoons). We are stretching our servicemen and women in order to cover wars in two countries and possibly maybe three (third time's a charm, they say). Our poor, confused elderly are increasingly confused and made poorer by our attempts to help them with Medicare Part D (the D is for Disaster).
Be afraid, but know that our Fearless Leader is fearlessly defending us, all the while confirming that we should be afraid because He knows things. Things that He found out by listening to private messages and conversations. Don't be afraid that they were your private conversations and messages, because they weren't, as far as you know. But what He has heard would frighten you, if He were allowed to tell you what He's heard, which He can't, because then those who would frighten us would know that He knows what they know. And then they would cease talking about the frightening things that He is listening to that He can't tell us about. At which point things would get very frightening.
But now is not the time to talk about these inconsequential matters. Now is the time to talk about matters of consequence. Such as the way the government will be spending your hard-earned* tax dollars. We are happy to report that the government is taking in fewer of your* tax dollars than ever, now that we have slashed taxes on the top 2% of taxpayers! Also, while the government is spending fewer of your tax dollars, it is also spending more of your non-tax dollars! This way, the government is getting a bigger bang for your non-buck! And rest assured, the increase in jobs* is related to the tax cuts and not the deficit spending!! Nor is it in any way related to a misunderstanding of the data!
More good news, citizens. Fearless Leader has published His budget and while we will see an increase in defense spending, many non-essential expenditures will be cut back or simply eliminated. So if you were concerned that the government would waste money on Education, Transportation, or Justice...well, you can quit worrying!
Good night and good luck!
*those of you lucky enough to have jobs
posted by Gridlock at
12:44 PM
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